Travelling fails – crazy things that happen to me. Episode 4.

I felt I needed to translate some words for this blog. Australians use a lot of ‘lingo’ and this is often lost in translation.

Bushwalking – essentially this is what Aussies call hiking. We don’t have many mountains so we are not going up. The term ‘hike’ implies mountains and upwards in my mind!

Bush – this refers to our ‘forests’ We don’t have forests in all areas and the coverage is sparse in many places. More like scrub.

Scrub – areas of vegetation that are dry and less densely covered than a forest. Not dissimilar to the savannah or rolling plains areas of other countries.

Red belly – the red Belly Black snake is the full name, but we abbreviate everything. It’s easier.

Bushie– this is when one needs to relive themselves in the bush. If you are from a urban area the idea of this will freak you out and you possibly think you would rather die. Me too in an urban area. But, this is a vast country with vast amounts of unpopulated area and therefore no toilets, well, western toilets.

Wee –urinate. There are other less attractive words that male Australian’s will use, but I have refrained.

Dacks/strides– these are commonly what one would say when referring to their trousers or pants.

Okay. Now that that is covered I can get on with my story. Here I was a few weeks ago thinking that taking the family for a bush walk through the Royal National Park was a great idea. It was. We had been walking for about one and a half hours and I needed to do a wee.

To use a toilet I needed to walk back about one and a half hours. The only option was to disgrace myself or do a bushie. We had just walked past a point where about 10 surfers were catching the waves. I needed to find a spot where they couldn’t see me. On the point there were about 10 Instagrammers –how do I know they were grammers? They were taking photos of each other on the edge of cliffs! What is with that? Anyway, a topic for another time.

I find a spot and yes the surfers could indeed see me if they swam out to the back of the break. I crossed my fingers that they did not.

I dropped my strides and went about my business. Here I am with my dacks down and you know when you are trying to rush a wee that it takes FOREVER? Oh, and then to make the never-ending wee just that little bit more exciting there is a red belly approaching me. Dacks down and my lady bits out and there is one of the most deadly snakes in Australia slithering its way towards me. I try to engage my pelvic floor and stop my wee. I try to freeze. Isn’t that what you are supposed to do when a poisonous snake is coming at you and you have your dacks down around your ankles?

Only me I tell you. Who else gets a red belly crossing their path while they sneak off for a bushie!

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